Tough now, Funny later???

Yesterday I had a midwife appointment, it was so nice to go and hear the baby's heartbeat, I always love that part! I had to bring all 3 kids with me because well, I didn't ask anyone to watch them (what was I thinking). It was one of the hardest outings we have had ever!

Lindy was fantastic, I must say that I enjoy my sweet Lindy. She is so helpful and such a good big sister.
Renae is 19 months old, has a mind of her own and doesn't like being told NO. She got lost in the office (there are multiple rooms), we couldn't find her and when we did she was in an office going through little supply jars, she was not impressed that I took her away from her game. She also wanted to play with the toilet plunger and phone and basically go everywhere she wasn't supposed to.

Nicole, well, I am pretty sure she was given to me for a reason, I just don't know what it is yet. She is so sweet sometimes but when she is not...... Anyways, let's just say there was not very good listening, didn't want to clean up the toys she had taken out, didn't want to get her boots or coat on, didn't want to walk out to the van after and when I picked her up she didn't want that either. She proceeded to stratch and pull my hair as I tried to carry her. I won't fill you in on all the details but let's just say it took 10 minutes to get like 20 feet into the van. Then she unbuckled herself when we started driving (I didn't know this till we got home and she informed me with a smug look on her face). The feelings I had yesterday were not very good. I did not feel like a good Mom and I wanted to give Nicole away. I was beyond frustrated in the whole experience and really had to reflect on how I could have dealt with it differently. I'm still trying to figure it out. I actually wish I could have videotaped the experienced to show her later and to help her understand that behavior is not appropriate but of course that didn't happen (actually I was worried that someone else was watching, taping it and was going to youTube it with the title "Bad Mother" because I was obviously frustrated trying to get her in the van.)
I know (or rather I hope) this stage won't last forever and we will have a better relationship at some point. I learn something new everyday from Nicole and I truely do love her with everything that I am. I am so grateful for all of my girls and I love being a Mom. It is so frustrating to have days like that though.
Today was better, every day is different and I just need to see the joy when it is there.

So one lesson learned for me was GET A FRIEND TO WATCH THE KIDS WHEN I HAVE AN APPOINTMENT! So for those of you who offered, I will be taking you up on that!